Out of Work Woes
How to Help Your Family Cope With a Job Loss
By Jenna Kern-Rugile

It may be called a pink slip, but it doesn’t come wrapped in a Victoria’s Secret package. Getting laid off, let go, downsized, fired…whatever words you choose, there’s nothing pretty about it. And in the past year chances are you have a family member, friend or spouse—maybe it’s even the face you see in the mirror each day—who has been hit with the bad news. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, since the start of the recession in December 2007, the ranks of the unemployed have increased by 8.2 million, and the unemployment rate has grown by 5.3 percentage points. On Long Island, about 7.4 percent of the workforce was unemployed in November.

It’s a hard time for anyone, but for parents, there’s an added burden: We need to deal not only with our own fears, but those of our children. Experts recommend that handling a sudden job loss honestly and calmly is the best approach, starting with how you break the news.

“The most important thing for children is that parents tell them the truth, but in a way that doesn’t overwhelm them,” says Michael D. Zentman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Centerport and Manhattan. “Kids have an extraordinary sense of what’s going on, and keeping secrets will only make them more anxious. You need to reassure them that you’ll get another job, and that the family is safe and secure.”

Kate M., who doesn’t want her full name used here, is a Huntington mother of three children between the ages of five and 11. She lost her job at a Manhattan non-profit last fall. She says she took a day after she received the news to regain her footing before sharing with her kids. “I had to decide how direct I should be about it,” she says. “I wanted to explain clearly how it would impact our lives without creating anxiety for them.”
           
Kate and her husband, who owns his own small business that has also suffered in the bad economy, approached their children together. “We decided to be matter-of-fact about it and assure them that I’ be looking for a new job right away,” she says. She also focused on the good news. “We let them know that while I was looking, we’d get to spend extra time together, which was always at such a premium when I was working.”

Kate followed through on that promise. “I spent a ‘special day’ with each of them, one on one,” she says. “We played baseball and board games, or watched movies that my other kids wouldn’t want to see. It was the most fun you could have while being out of work.”

Facing Your Finances
Of course, unemployment isn’t all fun and games. A big concern: M-O-N-E-Y.
“You need to be honest about necessary changes in your family budget,” says Madeline Seifer, director of Hofstra’s Marriage and Family Therapy Clinic in Hempstead. “Tell your children if they won’t be getting as many toys, or if you have to scale back your vacation…but also let them know that the situation is temporary.”
       
For Kate, her job loss meant no more music lessons for the children. “I told my kids that we’d have to forego some things for a while and watch how our family spent money,” she says. “My feeling was that, if I made them part of managing this interim period, it would feel less scary and less out of their control. My goal was to make sure they understood that this was something that happens but can be figured out, and that we would do it together.”
           
That was a smart move, according to Seifert. “You’ll help your kids by making them feel like they’re helping the family,” she says. “And it’s also an opportunity to teach them some money management skills.”
           
It’s also important to keep traditions going. If you can’t afford your usual family movie night out, create one at home by renting a DVD or getting a free one from your library. Your kids will learn that you can still have fun family times without spending big bucks.

Turning Crisis Into Opportunity
           
When Dixie Comeau of Hauppauge was let go from her role as internal communications manager during a round of layoffs at Newsday last December, she had experience with how to handle unemployment: Her husband, Greg Galluccio, had been out of work for two-and-a-half years in 2001, and that gave her insight about what to expect—both the ups and downs, and eventual triumph.
           
“It was depressing at times,” says Galluccio, who has been back to work full-time for several years now as an engineering marketing manager. “There were times when I felt worthless. But the experience forced me to develop some new skills, and I discovered that there were lots of things I could do to generate revenue streams.”
           
Galluccio used his musical talent to garner work in TV production, which created a steady part-time income, and he also taught college students how to prep for the law boards.
“The interesting thing is that, the whole time I was unemployed, I felt like I was working harder than ever before,” he says. “But the experience gave me the courage to realize that if this happens again, I know I can cope with it.”
           
Comeau used her time “off” to jump fully into networking, joining business groups and making new connections. “I’ve really put myself out there, telling the universe that I'm here,” she says. “The social networking sites available today really helped too. And, I have had some terrific support from my outplacement agency, Lee Hecht Harrison, and from people I’ve met networking.”
           
Adds Comeau, “Together, Greg and I helped each other balance our anxiety about our family income with the realization that this was an opportunity for me to look for my next life adventure as the owner of my own company.”

Ensuring Success

With money in short supply, issues such as health insurance and daycare become stressful. For Jennifer Morris, a single Northport mother and teacher who needed to return to the workforce after her divorce two years ago, leave-replacement teaching jobs enabled her to pay her mortgage, but health insurance was a huge expense.
           
“It had cost more than $600 a month just for me,” she says, adding that her daughter’s insurance was covered by her ex-husband. The government’s stimulus plan has made a big difference, she says, dropping her rate to less than half that amount.
           
Luckily, Morris recently secured a full-time job at a private Long Island school, so health coverage will no longer be a concern. But if you’re unemployed, be sure to check out the Child Health Plus option (www.nyhealth.gov/nysdoh/chplus/), which offers low-cost health care to qualifying families.
As for daycare, if you can continue (even part-time), it’s a good idea, says Jerry Colonna, a Life Coach in Manhattan and Port Washington. “I often tell clients who just lost their job, ‘Congratulations! You have a new job. It’s finding a new job,’ he says. “And it’s very hard to do that when you have a little one around. Imagine trying to network on the phone with a three-year-old asking for her peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich!”

Carve out a time and place not only to look for a job but to explore new avenues, says Jennifer Cusumano, a communications consultant/educational and career counselor in Northport. Cusumano has seen an influx of job seekers, along with those who are rethinking their current situation, flooding area schools to work toward a new degree. “There’s opportunity in unemployment, if you’re ready to embrace it,” she says.
Her advice: Take the time to learn new skills (especially new technology, including social media such as Facebook and Linked In), join professional networking associations, visit your local college’s career center and find a mentor in your field.  “Give yourself the gift of a little time just to breathe and plan your next move,” she says. “If there’s anything about your lifestyle that you can simplify in order to explore a more meaningful career path, this time can actually be a very positive period of growth and career fine-tuning.”
Zentman says that after processing their feelings of loss, many of his clients have found themselves on a more fulfilling path. “It’s during crises that there’s the greatest opportunity for change,” he says. “I know people who lost their jobs, assessed their desires, and now feel they’re on better track. In their next job, they’re going in wiser.”

Jenna Kern-Rugile, a freelance writer in East Northport, sends Season’s Greetings and wishes for a fulfilling, fruitful career to all Long Islanders.