The secret to having a happy Mother’s Day and Father’s Day is the same as having a happy marital or parent-child relationship – it’s all about the other person. This statement may seem so simple and axiomatic as to appear patronizing. “Of course,” most people would say. “Mother’s Day is about appreciating mothers and Father’s Day is about valuing fathers.”
But as we all know, these once-a-year holidays don’t always fall on the days when everyone’s getting along. If you’re fighting with your spouse
or having problems with your children, is it reasonable to expect that either your own heart or their hearts will be full of unconditional love and a spirit of generosity? Not likely. Isn’t it more likely that you – like most people – will be so preoccupied with your own hurt and anger that “getting over it” seems like climbing the highest and craggiest mountain?
That’s the point…it’s not about you. There are only a handful of days in each year – birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and Hanukah and Mother’s and Father’s days – when you have the golden opportunity to step completely outside of yourself, suspend your grievances, and put your better self on the front burner. Think about it – only six days out of 365.
Joan Swirsky is a psychotherapist, former OB nurse and Lamaza teacher and author of Gift of Life. A Spiritual Compansion for the Mother-to-Be.
Tip
My twin brother had the right idea when he started calling our mother every Mother’s Day to thank her for giving birth to him. Of course, I copied him, and we’ve found that this simple, but heartfelt expression is music to her ears, as it will be when she turns 96 in May.
Gift Ideas
When you thank your mother and father for giving birth to or adopting you, you’re telling them that you’re grateful to be on this earth and acknowledging that they’re relevant to every sunset you enjoy, every problem you solve, every breath you take.
Gifts are another expression of gratitude, but in an ailing economy, where even greeting cards can cost five dollars, small, but personal things can mean the world.
• A framed picture of Mom or Dad and with daughter(s) or son(s).
• A homemade meal of his or her favorite food.
• Something to satisfy the sweet tooth.
• A library book of his or her favorite genre.
• For the absent parent, an e-card or heartfelt e-mail.
• And for a deceased parent, some special time spent in remembering him or her and recounting all the good times.
Ideally Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are really every day, but as every grandmother and grandfather knows, it isn’t until their children become parents themselves that they really “get it.
