When You Can’t Be There for Them By Sharon Kovacs Gruer, Esq., LL.M., CELA
It’s difficult to think about not being around while your children are growing up. But it can happen, and that’s why parents should have certain legal documents in place detailing who will raise their children and how their finances should be handled. This is especially important for children with special needs.
Two of the most important decisions are choosing a guardian and a trustee. The guardian is the person who will raise your children and is responsible for all aspects, from instilling values and ethics to dealing
with emotional, social, medical and psychological issues. They also handle practical issues like schooling, religious upbringing, play dates, meals and clothing. For a child with a long-term disability, a guardian can be appointed to continue even after the child’s eighteenth birthday.
The trustee, designated in a written trust, handles your child’s finances. The document may call for the trustee, or fiduciary, to control funds until your child reaches a certain age, for example, 25.
This person invests the funds set aside for your child in the trust, pays the taxes and makes distributions in accordance with the terms that are written into your trust, such as distributions for health, maintenance, support and education. The trustee, who should have knowledge of your wishes and values, may be given the discretion in the trust document to pay or to veto requests for distribution of funds.
Sharon Kovacs Gruer, Esq.,is an attorney in Great Neck with a focus on estate planning, supplemental needs, elder law, guardianships, disability law and asset protection.
Choosing a Guardian and a Trustee
Many couples have trouble deciding and agreeing upon who should raise their children if they’re unable to do so. A good place to start is by thinking about with whom you’re comfortable leaving the children if you go away for a weekend or a week. If religion is important, that could also be a factor. If your children are school-aged, you may also want to leave them with someone in the same district so they have their friends and other support systems.
The trustee should be someone you think would make the right financial decisions for your children. If you have no responsible close friends or family that you trust to handle this, consider a bank or trust company.
Sample Questions for Potential Guardian:
Would you be willing and able to raise my children?
Do you have room in your home or would you need to move?
What are your feelings about curfews, rules, allowance, discipline, corporal punishment?
Would you be able to arrange for my children to visit with their cousins and grandparents?
What are your feelings about bringing my children to religious school, to church or synagogue, to volunteer activities?
