February/March 2010
The Growing Years ~ 6 to 10
 

 
Pregnancy & Birth > 0 - 2 > 3- 5 > 6 - 10 > 11 - 16 > Special Kids

Popularity’s Ups and Downs
By Laurie Hollman, Ph.D.

Six-year-old children seem to be saved from the impact of groups and cliques.  But by as early as seven social groups begin to form in the classroom. Slowly but surely second graders begin to realize who are the kids sought out at lunch and recess.  Empathic teachers are often aware of this happening and mix the children in activities to counter this trend.  Reading and math groups also interfere with social groups.

By third grade however popularity looms on the social stage.  In some school districts children become aware of the clothes they wear and seek to fit in by buying what seems to be the socially “in” thing to wear.  Gender differences appear.  Boys begin to care about special sneakers and girls choose special shirts.  Some parents go along with these needs because they empathize with their child’s wish to fit in.  Other parents slip into their own wishes to have their child wear the trendy clothes and unfortunately emphasize it.

By fourth and fifth grade the “popular” group becomes identified.  Certain children are idolized. Being in their friendship group becomes important. Children who don’t do well academically may seek to be in the popular social group to save face from their failures in class work.  The key struggle in all this is the rise and fall of self-esteem.

Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., is a psychoanalyst and co-parenting divorce specialist who practices adult, adolescent, child, parent-infant and couples psychotherapy at 1 Wawapek Rd.,Cold Spring Harbor, NY 11724.

Support Their Self-Esteem

  • Highlight your child’s achievements in school and/or at home.  Find the smallest ounce of success to acclaim.
  • Champion your child’s individual interests that make him special.  Even a favorite game that he’s good at warrants a worthwhile comment.
  • Explain that popularity comes and goes and isn’t a measure of your child’s worth.  This is hard to sell but it may eventually sink in and support a wavering self-concept.
  • Don’t leave play dates to your child.  Go out of your way to chat on the phone with other parents leading to setting up a play date.
  • With parent’s involvement even a shy child can have many friends.  When another child visits, the parent can take the initiative to help find fun things to do

Who Is the Popular Child?

The popular child is usually outgoing and not afraid to speak up for herself.  She’s often lots of fun and takes the initiative in activities.  She’s just a gregarious sole that others gravitate to.  Remember she may be a really nice kid.  Invite her over.  You may be pleasantly surprised that she’s kind to your more reserved child and will include her once they get to know each other personally and aren’t influenced by the group.


 


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