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Celebrating When You Have the Blues
By Joan Swirsky
Every person has ups and downs, as well as periods of sadness and even depression. But when you’re pregnant and experiencing a low – especially around holiday time when expectations are so high – it seems especially difficult to cope. With everyone expecting you to be of good cheer and to participate joyfully in all the activities, you may feel like hiding under the covers.
Holidays, particularly, put pressure on people to “feel good” and “get into the spirit,” while ordinary days hold no such demands.
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But most holiday guides fail to include the many reasons why pregnant women are unable to do these things, including the pressures of juggling their homes and careers as well as the so-called normal discomforts and inconveniences of pregnancy.
According to the American Pregnancy Association about 10 to 20 percent of women struggle with some symptoms of depression during pregnancy, and a quarter to half of these will suffer from major depression. Fleeting sadness or moodiness is quite normal, but major depression is a biological condition that can’t be assuaged by reassuring words or kind gestures. It’s characterized by ongoing feelings of sadness or despair over a period of several weeks and must be treated – immediately – by a qualified mental health expert.
In early pregnancy, you may feel tired and nauseated from morning sickness, both of which can be demoralizing. In mid-pregnancy, the ordinary stresses of life may get you down. And in late pregnancy, physical discomfort and anxiety about delivery may find you not in the mood for smiling or laughing.
Accept these normal variations in your mood; they’re universal and historical. But understand that the people who care about you may not understand and will often feel frustrated – and helpless – when they try to cheer you up, but fail.
Joan Swirsky is a psychotherapist, former OB nurse, and the author of Gift of Life: A Spiritual Companion for the Mother-to-Be. |
What to Do
- Let them know you’re feeling “blah,” “down” or “not in the mood” to do this or that.
- Thank them for their concern and let them know, specifically, what they can do to help you, or that helping means just letting you be.
- If you have older children, avoid words like “depression,” but instead explain that during pregnancy it’s common to want some alone time.
- If feelings of sadness or anxiety persist for three or four weeks, consult a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. Often “talk therapy” can lift your mood, and certain medications can help also.
Resources:
Expecting Change: The Emotional Journey Through Pregnancy by Ellen Sue Stern (Meadowbrook, $10).
40 Weeks: Devotional Guide to Pregnancy by Jennifer A. Vanderlaan (Birthing Naturally, $10.85).
Pregnancy Sucks: What to Do When Your Miracle Makes You Miserable by Joanne Kimes and Sanford A. Tisherman (Adams Media Corp., $10).
A Deeper Shade of Blue: A Woman's Guide to Recognizing and Treating Depression in Her Childbearing Years by Ruta Nonacs (Simon & Schuster, $20). |
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