Preparing for Holiday Visits By Judy Tabak, M.S. and Joan Weinstein, L.C.S.W
As the holiday season approaches, many families are beginning to prepare for this exciting and often hectic time. Although many embrace the holidays with joy and welcome the festivities, there are also those who feel overwhelmed and stressed by the changes they’ll experience and the heightened emotions that the holiday season brings to every household.
For families with a child or children with special needs, this can place additional stress on family members as they make plans for holiday dinners and visits. In order to enjoy moments of success, it’s important for parents to consider beforehand what situations may cause a meltdown for their child or promote anxiety and challenging behaviors. For some children, a change in their daily routine is just enough to cause havoc and stress for all family members. Add to this mix unfamiliar sounds, faces and smells and anything one can envision may occur. With this in mind, preparation is key. If possible, it may be beneficial for you to know who else will be attending and what foods will be served. In this way, you may decide to bring your child’s favorite foods regardless of how “un-holiday” they might be. It’s wise to let the hostess know in advance that you’ll be doing this. Don’t count on them having something that your child will like. They’ll appreciate your kindness and concern.
Exploring new situations can be a positive experience for everyone as it provides opportunities for growth and enjoyment. With thoughtful preparation and planning, the holidays can be fun.
Judy Tabak, M.S., is principal at Variety Child Learning Center in Syosset. Joan Weinstein, L.C.S.W., is director of Family Services in Syosset.
HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS
Try to arrive a little earlier than the other guests so your child can become familiar with the surroundings and will not have to enter a room full of people.
Bring some favorite toys or a portable DVD player if possible and know in advance if there’s a quiet place where your child can watch TV or a movie if the surroundings become overwhelming or if they need some quiet time.
Plan beforehand with your spouse to take turns watching your child so that each one can enjoy the visit with relatives and friends.
Explore the possibility of taking two cars so that one parent can stay for his/her family dinner and the other can leave earlier if long visits are problematic for your child. Of course this means taking turns when invited to a second family even.
Provide your child with photos in advance whenever possible of people who will be at the occasion. If your child isn’t familiar with the house you may want to drive past the house if possible or have photos of the house so that your child can see where he’ll be going.
Friends and relatives may ask questions so prepare yourself with answers that are comfortable for you and your immediate family.
Be mindful when you’re asking siblings to watch their brother or sister. Remember they want to enjoy the festivities, too.
Let your child know in advance what will be happening (to the best of your knowledge) during the visit. This will help to prepare them for the day’s events.
IMPORTANT HINTS
Leave the dinner before a crisis situation arises. Iit isn’t worth trying to “tough it out.” Plan ahead who will gather the toys etc., and graciously say good-bye and leave.
Always keep in mind that your child’s doing the best she can in this new and unpredictable situation.
Don’t apologize for yourself or your child. This is who and what he’s all about; it comes with the disability. Those who love you will understand.
Never give up hope and love. Your first priority is your child. It’s your responsibility to keep her safe and happy.
