After shoveling down breakfast one morning, seven-year-old Tommy is rushing to catch the school bus. As usual, Mom’s ready with the food and organized herself to get out to work. Tommy is the kind of kid that always seeks to please and feels a jolt with any disapproval. It’s unusual for him to be late or even nearly late. He usually gets up extra early just so he doesn’t have the worry of being prepared for school. But this morning his alarm didn’t go off in time because the power failed during the night. He’s late and very nervous about it. He reaches for his coat and in his haste he knocks over Mom’s favorite vase on the hall table. He’s immediately apprehensive. When Mom hears the crash, she races into the hall just in time to see Tommy’s agonizing face. Without hesitation, she hugs her son. For Tommy and Mom this is an unexpected moment of intimacy. Tommy suddenly knows his mother gets him. She knows without words what he knows: he’s sorry because he loves her. Mom also knows that Tommy gets her. When Tommy melts in her embrace, she knows that Tommy knows what’s important to her: their connection, a seven-year-odyssey in growing up.
This moment was ever-present for Tommy and Mom. It was created by this mother-child pair and lasted about two seconds. The emotional impact was strong and memorable. Later that day and even years later both would know that they have this ever-lasting bond.
Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., is a psychoanalyst who practices adult, adolescent, child and parent-infant psychotherapy at 1 Wawapek Rd., Cold Spring Harbor, NY 11724.
