Long Island Parent Magazine serving Nassau and Suffolk Counties New York

Sleepovers: Fun With Boundaries
By Laurie Hollman, Ph.D.

Sleepovers are a great way for school age kids to spread their wings and have a good time. While age six is a little too early, seven is the time to start the idea. The notion is that your child will learn to stay overnight at a good friend’s home beginning the separation process in an enjoyable way. Separation isn’t only a physical act, but an emotional one. The child’s learning that she can be away from home and feel secure and confident in other surroundings with other people. It’s a definite confidence builder.

Readiness is the key to success. If at age seven your child says a bold, “No,” to the idea, don’t push. You’ve started the idea and need to let it sit, even for a year. When your child shows an interest, begin by having a good friend sleep over your house to get the idea rolling. Make sure the other parents are on board. Find out what the other child’s interests are and any concerns the other mom or dad anticipate their child might have. Make it a special night with your child’s favorite foods and movies. Make the bedtime later than usual, but not so late that the children are worn out the next day. Sleeping late is a must, so everyone is rested and happy to enjoy the next day. Be as available to the other child as to your own, so the other child avoids homesickness and worries.

Laurie Hollman, Ph.D., is a psychoanalyst who practices adult, adolescent, child and parent-infant psychotherapy at 1 Wawapek Rd., Cold Spring Harbor, NY 11724.

SEPARATION ANXIETY

Some children just bounce right over to a friend’s house without a care or worry. Others find this difficult and challenging. For the anxious children here a few sleepover starters:

Have the first sleepover at your own house followed by the second sleepover at that child’s home.
For the first sleepover choose not only a good friend, but a doting fun-loving mother or father.
Have the child bring their favorite movie with them or even a favorite stuffed animal if they’re not embarassed to reveal it.
Let your child know that you’re only a phone call away and if need be. You could pick up your child during the night. (Don’t press this point or you’ll be suggesting the child won’t make it through.)
If your child’s very anxious, suggest that you’ll pick him and his friend up in the morning to take them out for a delicious pancake breakfast (insuring that your child will see you first thing in the morning.

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