Back-to-School Transitions By Elizabeth Carll, Ph.D.
At any age coping with change can result in mixed feelings. But embarking on new experiences associated with starting middle school and high school, while exciting, can also be particularly anxiety-producing. It’s normal for preteens and teens to experience some nervousness. Worries about fitting in, the pressure to perform academically and expectations for increased responsibility are key concerns.
Preteens entering middle school focus on making friends, being accepted and socializing. These take priority over family and school work as the need to form an identity and fitting in are the prime concerns. At this age, it’s not usual for teens to avoid being seen in public with parents, such as shopping. This is normal behavior that subsides as they mature.
Teens entering high school worry about marks now counting toward their cumulative average and being part of the records looked at by colleges. Relationships and a focus on having a boyfriend or girlfriend are also important.
For teens suffering from social anxiety, the prospect of being in new classes with peers they may not know can result in stress often showing up as stomach aches, headaches and avoidance of extracurricular activities. Preteens and teens who withdraw, appear sad and don’t seem interested in peers may be experiencing difficulty at school or possible depression.
Elizabeth Carll, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author in private practice in Huntington.
Tips So You Can Help
Avoid criticizing appearance or clothing. There’s a wide range of acceptability and considerable pressure to dress like friends or members of cliques. Save criticism for more important issues. Encourage getting a getting a job or saving for special items not in the usual clothing allowance.
Anxiety about increased school work and tests can be lessened by reassurance that this is normal and that study skills will also improve with practice.
If your child has been bullied, discuss this with the guidance counselor and request they be in separate classes, if possible. Bullying can result in considerable anxiety and depression. If your child continues to have difficulty, consider counseling to help develop coping skills.
If your child’s experiencing ongoing school difficulties attempt to open the lines of communication. Counseling to address the problem may also be very helpful, as often preteens and teens don’t feel comfortable discussing personal issues with parents.
Don’t take negative and unkind comments personally, as preteens and teens often say things impulsively. However, expectations for behavior at home should be no different than behavior outside the home.
