|
More Than Just a Bad Day
By Michael A. Casano
|
Welcome to Dad’s Corner. Each of my columns focuses on particular “fatherhood” issues, as well as suggestions on how to address them. I’ll also provide links to other sites for further reference, where possible. I definitely welcome your own comments and advice as well. Together as fathers, we’ll share our thoughts on how best to guide our children, nurture them and support them along the way.
|
It’s no secret that fathers can have some “bad days” – whether it’s because of things going wrong at work, unexpected repairs or last-minute bills to pay. The problem arises when these “bad days” become more the norm. Now more actively involved in parenting than probably their own fathers, some of today’s dads may often feel stressed as they try to balance work and family obligations. Add the fact that men often internalize their feelings instead of communicate them, and you may find these issues having a major impact on a dad’s everyday behavior – making them more irritable and acting inappropriate to those around them. Unfortunately, the people most directly affected by these mood swings are their families, especially their children.
Sanford (Sandy) Hinden understands first-hand how the evolving role of dads as parents can impact a father both emotionally and physically. The author of 7 Keys to Love: Opening Love’s Door to Joy and Well Being and the founder and president of the Long Island Men’s Center, Hinden believes that fathers need to understand that if you’re going through any tough situation you need to take a little time to share authentically what’s going on with your children.
“Children can’t mind read,” says Hinden. “Their world is smaller, so if you’re being negative, they look at what the possibilities can be. And, often the first people they blame are themselves.”
That’s why Hinden encourages fathers to communicate directly with their children – even on sensitive issues. If it’s job related, you should say something like, “I’m a little concerned at work, so I’m sorry if I didn’t pay more attention before.” You don’t have to go into a lot of details, but you should be honest. Along with communicating as clearly as possible with your children, Hinden also suggests that fathers take advantage of sharing any issues they have with their spouses – or in other cases their best friends or significant others.
If positive lines of communications are open, then those conversations may help alleviate the stresses you may be feeling, and as a result, provide you with the calmness and clarity you need to be a loving, caring father.
|
Sandy Hinden provides the following suggestions to help fathers interact with their kids during stressful times:
Learn to communicate properly. Non-violent “compassionate” communication is the key to any successful family relationship. Fathers should learn to: 1) express what they observe non-judgmentally; 2) express feelings; 3) share values and needs and 4) make reasonable requests.
Take a walk with your child regularly. Use such time to share what’s going on, both with your situation and anything that your child may want to share with you. If possible, try to have your walks in a nature setting where it’s calmer and quieter, rather than a more intense location like a mall.
Don’t be afraid to share the difficulties of your life because you think your child might not understand. Just do your best to explain your personal issues in general terms, so your feelings are genuinely communicated.
Consider helping others. When you’re helping others, you’re helping yourself too because you’re getting out of your own self and maybe gain another perspective on what your dealing with. Also, reach out to organizations like the Long Island Men’s Center (longislandmenscenter.org) to share experiences or volunteer to help other men with their issues.
|
|
|
|
