It's human nature for most dads to offer solutions to whatever is troubling their children.  When it comes to helping their son or daughter deal with emotional issues, however, "judging" the problem isn’t necessarily what their kids are asking their dads to do.  Instead, dads could approach the idea of "validating" and not "evaluating" the emotions their children are feeling -- especially during their adolescent years. 

"One of the main goals for a father is to help his children feel comfortable managing and tolerating the full range of emotions they experience," said Anthony DeCamello, Ph.D., a New York State licensed psychologist working as crisis manager with at-risk adolescents on Rikers Island and in psychotherapy practice with kids and families in Garden City.  "It doesn't mean you're condoning inappropriate behavior precipitated by these emotions.  It means you’re acknowledging those feelings, helping your child label them and appreciate their texture.  This is important because often kids at times don't even have a clear sense of what they're feeling."

It's here where dads -- as role models -- can play a significant part in helping their children better deal with their emotions.  One of the best ways dads can help guide their children through confusing emotions is by drawing upon their own experiences growing up as examples when they went through a similar situation.  By doing so, fathers indirectly validate what their children are going through. 

"When fathers connect on this level with their children, it's a double-win," says Dr. DeCamello.  "Their son or daughter may say to themselves, 'Dad felt that same emotion too.  Well, if he felt it and dad is my model, that means the feeling I have -- no matter what it is -- is okay.'"

Another important aspect dads must remember when helping their children deal with their emotions is not to associate the emotional behavior to something you think you may have done with your child in the past – and as a result become defensive.  Consider setting aside your own emotional issues and instead make sure that you look at what’s happening with your child solely in the context of what they’re feeling.   

Dads must also keep in mind that developing such a relationship with their children takes time, and there may be some bumps in the road before their children feel open enough to talk because there is nothing inhibiting them.

Dr. DeCamello adds: "Your relationship with your child is always a work in progress.  You can always reassess how well something worked.  Do the most appropriate thing you can at that moment, and then be willing to retool or regroup during the next emotional experience to further grow that trust."  

Dr. DeCamello suggests dads keep the following things in mind when helping their children deal with their emotions: 1. Listen to what your child is saying.  Let your child speak without judgment – even if he or she is saying things you don’t agree with.  Try to put yourself in their shoes and give them the chance to express what and how they’re feeling presently. 2. Share similar experiences.  Relate incidents with your kids where you dealt with the same emotion.  That provides an opportunity to share a mutual experience and how acting a certain way worked for you so your child doesn’t feel isolated.  3. Be self-forgiving.  Remember that the emotions your child is exhibiting may not have anything to do with you.  That will keep you focused on dealing with feelings and behavior and not fault or blame. 4. Model sound emotional behavior.  If you want your son or daughter to be okay with themselves, it’s helpful to be their best example.  Handle what's going on inside of you as best as you can, so they can mirror an appropriate resolution for themselves.  .