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Kids and Sports
By Michael A. Casano
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Welcome to Dad’s Corner. Each of my columns focuses on particular “fatherhood” issues, as well as suggestions on how to address them. I’ll also provide links to other sites for further reference, where possible. I definitely welcome your own comments and advice as well. Together as fathers, we’ll share our thoughts on how best to guide our children, nurture them and support them along the way.
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For dads, there’s no better feeling than watching your son or daughter excel as they participate in organized sports. What shouldn’t be forgotten is the unique opportunity organized sports provide you to go beyond just teaching them the proper way to kick a soccer ball or field a baseball.
“When your child plays a team sport, it’s really a vehicle for teaching them about life and life skills – like concentration, respect, listening to rules, working as a team, and treating other people well,” said Dr. Susan Bartell, Child and Family Psychologist in Port Washington. “You’re going to miss a huge opportunity if you only focus on the fact that you want your child to be the best athlete at all costs.”
For example, team sports introduce the concept of “not always succeeding” to children, and having to deal with those emotions. Dads should make their children understand that it’s possible you may go through a whole season and not win every game – and that’s fine as long as you’re playing and working your hardest, and that you’re not giving up when times are tough.
Competitive sports also provide an environment for you to identify what is proper and improper behavior to your child. “It’s important for dads who may be coaching their sons and daughters as part of the team to have a low tolerance for bad behavior, and a high tolerance for good sportsmanship,” said Dr. Bartell. “If your child ever encounters or exhibits questionable behavior, such as teasing or being mean, you can point it out and clearly explain how it’s unacceptable and will not be tolerated. And, that there will be consequences for it.”
If you’re not coaching, dads in the stands should cheer their children on positively – focusing on the strong effort given and not on negatives like errors or missed plays. Your encouragement makes them know you are proud of them, regardless of how well they do. And, they’ll learn from seeing your own behavior during the game as well.
Dr. Bartell adds, “You also have to be a positive role model for your child – in terms of the way you deal with their coach and other parents. It’s important for you to show them how to be both a gracious loser as well as a good winner; that’s the most important concept.”
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Outside of on-field behavior, Dr. Bartell believes that dads should keep the following things in mind when supporting their son’s or daughter’s interest in organized sports:
1.) Have a realistic view of expectations. Remember to focus on their age, capabilities, and interest
when helping them participate in a sport, and not on how you would approach it. While you may
have excelled as an athlete in high school, your child may not be particularly good at playing
certain sports, but just loves playing them and being with his friends.
2.) Maintain balance. Your child may be an amazing athlete, but you have to make sure to balance
their participation in sports with the rest of their life – particularly school work and social time.
Along the same lines, it’s important not to sign your child up to participate in too many sports at any one
time. Inevitably, that can lead to your child being constantly cranky and tired, impacting
their behavior at school and at home.
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