Welcome to Dad’s Corner.  Each of my columns focuses on particular “fatherhood” issues, as well as suggestions on how to address them.  I’ll also provide links to other sites for further reference, where possible.  I definitely welcome your own comments and advice as well. Together as fathers, we’ll share our thoughts on how best to guide our children, nurture them and support them along the way.

As the father of a 10-year old boy, Kevin, and a 9-year-old girl, Kaitlin, Jeff Byrnes would be lying if he didn’t recognize certain differences in dealing with them as a parent.  However, the East Rockaway resident believes it’s important for dads not to fall into the trap of letting those differences lead you to parent to the societal stereotypes used to categorize their behavior by gender (“boys are naturally aggressive;” “girls are always emotional;” etc.). 

“You must keep an open mind to the fact that any differences you have in the way you parent your children should be based on their own individual personalities and the love and respect you have for them,” says Byrnes.  “The key for me is to create relationships with each to make them feel comfortable to come over to me and say whatever is on their mind, and in return to be respectful of what I have to say as well.”

That said, Byrnes knows there are times where he may need assistance to understand certain gender-related issues with his daughter simply because he has no point of reference to understanding them. What he doesn’t want to do is create a situation where his daughter doesn’t think he wants to be there to try to help.  It’s at those moments that Byrnes enlists the help of his wife Pam as a resource to help resolve them – instead of trying to do it on his own, which could cause more conflict than good.

If there’s one important piece of advice Byrnes wants all fathers to keep in mind when dealing with their sons and daughters, it’s never to forget they’re setting the example they will follow – especially when dealing with the opposite sex. 

Byrnes adds: “The way we deal with our daughters sets the tone for the types of men they will look for a relationship with.  If you create a very co-dependent or competitive relationship, it’s that relationship your daughters may look for in men as they grow older.  Our sons will also learn from us and use it for how they'll act with women and ultimately treat their own daughters.  So, if you create the right relationships now and model those ideals as a father, you’ll be okay.”