Doug Kahn thought he would be rusty.  After all, it had been five years since the Merrick father’s daughter, Ella, was born.  However, when his son Alex arrived in July, Kahn found his parental instincts kick right back in.

“Since it had been five years, at first I felt like a new father,” says Kahn.  “But I started to remember things I did when handling Ella and everything came back to me pretty quickly.”

While the challenges of taking care of a newborn are still the same, Kahn did find some differences after he became a father for the second time.  Many of the changes resulted from dealing with the new family dynamic.  Before, Kahn and his wife Cynthia’s attention focused specifically on Ella.  Now, with Alex as part of the family, there would be a period of adjustment. 
     
“Having Alex in our family meant that Ella had to adapt to a different routine when it came to Cynthia and me being there for her,” explains Kahn.  “For example, Ella had a nighttime routine where I read to her and then Cynthia would be with her before she goes to bed.  Now that Cynthia is spending time with the baby, I sometimes have to do both these roles.  So, Cynthia and I work hard to prepare Ella for routines like that which are changing, before she gets to the moment that the change is going to happen – it makes the transition easier.” 

Kahn is also respectful of the changes Cynthia has to make physically and emotionally with the new baby.  In addition to being supportive in taking care of Ella and Alex, he does what he can to help Cynthia as she tries to balance taking care of Alex and being there for Ella.  That means anything from lending a sympathetic ear to discussing and resolving any issues when things seem overwhelming.           

Personally, Kahn feels the greatest difference he’s felt with becoming a second-time father is being readily aware that he already has the knowledge and experiences necessary to make him confident as a dad – instead of first-time dads who may still be unsure in their new role.      

Kahn adds: “When you first have a child, being a father is a complete identity shift. That carries more anxiety with it – just the fact that you’re moving into a new stage of life and there are so many unknowns about it.  The second time, you’re already a dad, so in a lot of ways, it’s easier.  You don’t look at yourself in the mirror and see somebody you don’t know.  It’s not too much of an adjustment.” 

Michael A. Casano is an award-winning journalist whose work has appeared in numerous print and online publications. Prior to writing "Dads Corner" for Long Island Parent Online, he wrote a column on "Raising Multiples" for Newsday's Parents & Children magazine. In addition, Michael is a playwright, with a number of his plays performed throughout the country - including here on Long Island. He also developed material for Sesame Street as a freelance writer for the Children’s Television Workshop. Michael lives in Greenlawn with his wife, Donna, and their children, Ryan and Katie.