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A Different Road to Travel: Being a Father of a Special Needs Child
By Michael A. Casano
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Welcome to Dad’s Corner. Each of my columns focuses on particular “fatherhood” issues, as well as suggestions on how to address them. I’ll also provide links to other sites for further reference, where possible. I definitely welcome your own comments and advice as well. Together as fathers, we’ll share our thoughts on how best to guide our children, nurture them and support them along the way.
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Eleven years ago, Michael Buffa’s daughter Emily was diagnosed with autism. Once learning of her diagnosis, the Bethpage resident and his wife immediately worked to better understand their child’s condition, and what resources and treatments were available to help Emily so she could live the best life possible under the circumstances.
Despite these challenges, the couple has never been bitter about their situation. Instead, they’ve embraced how fortunate they are to have a child like Emily (now 14) in the first place.
"I remember a story told to me about unexpectedly changing your travel plans,” says Buffa. “Maybe you were planning a trip to Italy, but now you have to plan a different trip to Holland. While this trip is a little bit different, it’s still as rewarding as the trip to Italy. That’s the way we’ve approached our life with Emily. We're both accepting of where our daughter is, and just want to help her do her best.”
While at times overwhelming, Emily’s condition has opened doors for Buffa and his family to meet wonderful, supportive people in nearby communities – including teachers, professionals and other parents. It has also led Buffa to become actively involved as a facilitator with a number of family support organizations – including the Asperger Syndrome and High Functioning Autism Association (www.ahany.org). The message Buffa continually shares with those attending his family support meetings is that you don’t need to feel isolated when it comes to being the father of a special needs child. The more networking and investigating you do as you learn more about your child’s condition, the more you realize that there are thousands of people out there just like you.
Along with making connections, Buffa believes the key to successfully raising a special needs child falls specifically on how well you and your spouse work together and communicate. For example, Buffa and his wife speak frequently about having a daily game plan, since his daughter’s autism affects everything she does – whether getting ready for school or eating. The process has proven helpful on two fronts. It gives Emily an understanding of what’s expected of her. And, it has provided the needed organization that Buffa and his wife require in their own lives and for them to spend quality time together as a family.
While raising a special needs child is challenging, Buffa emphasizes that all fathers in this situation should consider themselves a “work in progress.” He adds: “Recently, I spoke with the father of a 5-year-old special needs child who pointed out to me all things he felt he hadn’t been doing to support him. But after the father started listing all the things he was doing, I reassured him that he’s doing more than he realizes. I think that circumstance is true for every parent of a special needs child.”
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Kowabunga!
It’s doubtful many fathers of children with special needs have ever considered surfing as a viable activity for their particular son or daughter. But they may not have spoken yet with the hundreds of parents whose children have participated in the unique volunteer program: Surfer’s Way.
The not-for-profit program offers children with special needs a chance to participate in a series of supervised, instructional surfing events in Long Beach during the summer. Accompanied by one of 15 volunteer surfers and clad in life jackets while in the water, each child safely learns the basics of surfing, at the same time enjoying the accomplishment of being able to do something that many have never done before. And, there’s never a charge for any child to participate.
Surfer’s Way is the brain child of long-time Long Island surfer Elliot Zuckerman. “I started working with special needs kids about 30 years ago,” Zuckerman says. “From that point forward, I just fell in love with the idea of being able to teach children with special needs, who usually would never have this opportunity. The ability to give back to a kid who under any other circumstances wouldn’t be able to do what you’re enabling them to do is fantastic. For me, it’s the most joyous thing in the world, to make a child happy.”
To learn more about Surfer’s Way, visit www.surfersway.org. There, you can register your son or daughter for a future surfing event, or even make a tax-deductible donation in support of the program.
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