Welcome to The Blended Family.  I was a single mom of three for 10 years.  Anyone who is or has been a single parent fully understands the implications; you adore your children and do everything in your power to help them develop and grow in a healthy and safe environment. At the same time, you’re solely responsible for taking care of your own needs. It can be a difficult balancing act.  But raising my children on my own has been the most rewarding and fulfilling challenge I’ve ever taken on.  Until now, that is. If you’re currently also part of a blended family, you understand the hurdles to overcome: each of the two families that are blending bring their own personalities, family rules, boundaries and issues to the table.  So here we'll explore the ongoing dynamics of blending families through my personal  adventure. And I hope you share your own stories, comments, questions, concerns, with me and other readers as we move along.

My three children have a grandpa.   Sounds commonplace enough, as many kids have living grandparents.  In our family, though, my daughters were born under duplicate unfortunate circumstances:  two missing grandfathers.  
 
My own dad died unexpectedly of a massive heart attack when I was 20.   The loss was shocking, numbing my grief for many years.  It wasn’t until I had my twin baby girls in my arms one particular evening that the impact of my father’s passing truly hit me:  He’d never see the two spectacular creatures that my now ex-husband and I had created.  Nor would they ever have the cozy, familiar comfort of knowing the man who would undoubtedly have taken glee at their every developmental milestone. 

History sadly does often repeat itself, because I had grown up without the benefit of my own grandfathers, as well. By the time my family and I had immigrated to the United States when I was seven years old, my two grandfathers had already passed away.  I barely remembered them years later and then only through murky, black and white images.  My ex-husband’s father passed away shortly after we were married, after a long illness.  So our daughters never knew him either. 

It goes without saying that grandmothers are a priceless commodity in families, and my girls are most privileged to have both of theirs still with us.  Now that we are part of a blended family, they get a bonus grandma to boot -- that’s because both of my partner’s parents, at 80, are still mercifully here.  

But there’s something about the way my kids took to their new “grandpa” that makes me marvel at our good fortune.   He’s not my dad; he’s not their father’s dad.  It doesn’t seem to matter.   They adore him. My children have discovered what it’s like to have an elderly gentleman in their lives, one who seems to love them as unconditionally as if he was right there on the day they were born.  As if he’s known them since they were infants, rejoicing at their first words, their first steps, and their first everything.  The truth is he’s only known them a few years.  I guess this is what grandfathers are like.  Who knew part of blending would result in such a blessing? 

Quick Tip:  Blending families isn't just about you and your kids -- it's also about relatives, who might need time to get to know each other.  So do plan family-get-togethers and not just for the holidays.  Have a backyard party, bring in take-out on a Sunday evening, plan a picnic in the park or beach -- any activity that will enable everyone to interact and get to know each other.  This will foster a sense of unity among people who were once strangers.