To a child, there are very few events more important than their birthday party, and we parents want to honor their excitement with a special celebration. But the simple days of playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey and Duck, Duck Goose in the backyard are for the most part long gone. Today, planning the event can require almost as much decision-making as an elaborate affair. After all, there's the budget to consider, the guest list to compile, not to mention activities to plan, food to serve and of course, the all-important venue. What's more, you have to plan these small-scale celebrations year after year.

Nowadays, party places take a lot of the guesswork out of the planning by offering birthdays in all shapes and sizes. Kids enjoy them because they can bop to the beat of Miley Cyrus at kiddy discos, scramble through laser tag war zones or scale walls at rock-climbing parties. Parents like the convenience because the all-in-one prices often include everything from the invitations to the goody bags. And rather than spending precious time cleaning the house only to have it trashed by a group of raucous pint-sized guests, all you have to worry about is fitting the presents in the car after everyone's gone home.

For some, however, the home party is still the way to go because they’re more intimate and personalized. Home parties no longer have to be more work either. For about the same price as an out-of-home party, professional services can bring the celebration to your door, complete with outrageous themes and age-appropriate activities. Many even provide tables and chairs for the guests, serve the food and clean up the mess when the fun is over.

While most party places and professional services cost up to several hundred dollars, home parties can be equally successful without the high price tag. If you prefer to do it yourself, the key is choosing a theme, planning plenty of activities and keeping the party within a two-hour time limit, at best. However, no matter what shape your party takes, the most important considerations are your child's age and temperament. Here we provide you with an age-by-age guide to appropriate party plans.

The First Years

When Christine and Dan Dillon's seven-year-old daughter Cate turned one, the Farmingdale couple invited nearly 100 guests to a late lunch at a nearby Italian restaurant. With no experience hosting kids' birthday parties, Christine thought that was the best way to celebrate because she considered herdaughter's first birthday an important milestone. And she was the first person in her family to have a child. "I felt like I had to invite all the great aunts, great uncles and cousins," she says.

Looking back, she realizes she went overboard. "It was overwhelming for Cate," she says. And she didn't plan enough activities to keep the other children at the party occupied. "I brought coloring books and thought I was smart. But it wasn't a good idea. I made a big deal out of her party, but it was the wrong kind of big deal."

The first birthday is an important milestone but, as Dillon can attest, it's often the parents who feel the need to celebrate more than the child does. In fact, many one-year-olds don't even know it's their birthday and barely make it through the party without falling asleep.

It's okay to party on a grand scale, as long as you don't expect too much of your baby or make her the center of attention. It's also important to know how your child handles crowds. If he doesn't mind being with a large group of people, he'll probably do fine. “But, if it's a toddler or infant who's very shy, it's going to be an unpleasant experience," says Phyllis S. Ohr, Ph.D. director of the Child and Parent Psychological Services Clinic at Hofstra University in Hempstead.

Two- and three-year-olds may not understand the reason for all the excitement, but they're better able to enjoy the fun. Even so, you can enhance their experience by keeping the guest list small and the party short, no more than one hour.

According to Laura Braider, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at Long Island Jewish Medical Center in New Hyde Park, simple parties are best for young kids. "At this age children have short attention spans. They’re bored more easily and have a low tolerance for frustration,” she says. “Over-elaborate parties can be over-stimulating and create anxiety in young children. Parents should understand this is a new environment for them. They’re still developing the skills to cope with these situations."

The Pre-School Years

By the age of four, birthday parties are on so many kids' radars beause school friends are having what seems to be at least one per month.

When Denise Schipani's son James turned five last year, she hosted his party at Huntington Gymnastics. She says it was a hit. "I liked that no matter the weather, the kids would have fun. I also liked having some time and breathing space to chat with other parents while the kids did the gym activities."

Experts say structured parties like this are best because it gives children the autonomy they need to grow while still setting restrictions. You can even look for ones that incorporate your child's interests, be it karate, dance or arts-and-crafts.

Home parties can be ideal at this stage because they keep the party in familiar surroundings and force you to limit the number of children. Choose a theme and offer non-competitive games. Most preschoolers have a hard time losing, so activities in which everyone wins a prize will work best. A magician, clown or character can also be part of the entertainment, but only if you're sure your child won’t be frightened.
For example, while SpongeBob and Dora may be revered on TV, your little one may react quite differently when a larger-than-life creature suddenly appears in her home.

The Middle Years

Schipani took a different route when her son Daniel turned seven last year. In lieu of a party, she took three of his friends and their moms to Friendly's for lunch. "What kid doesn't like ice cream and French fries?" Schipani says. "They loved it because they got to sit at a table by themselves like big boys." She also liked that it eliminated any hard feelings that might have resulted from not inviting her son's entire class.

For parents who still want to take the party route, action-themed activities like swimming, amusement parks and ice-skating are popular with this age group. And, the older they get, the more tolerant they are of larger guest lists.

Now is also the time that slumber parties become all the rage. Just be sure to set some parameters. Penny Warner, author of Kids' Party Games and Activities (Meadowbrook Press, $12), recommends inviting a few close friends and starting the party after dinner.

"Have it planned [with] DVDs, games, snacks, then let them know you'd like them to go to bed around midnight. You're not going to get midnight," she concedes, "but it's a starting point. It's also important to have them picked up at a decent time in the morning following a simple breakfast."

The Preteen Years

Preteens are just starting to crave independence. It's okay to give them some autonomy with their plans. But you can also teach them about budgeting and decision-making at the same time. Set the budget and let them decide how to spend it. It might be a baseball game or an overnight trip with the family. If it's a party they want, let them dictate the game plan. Then step back and let them have fun.

"You want them to feel an adult presence, but not an intrusiveness," explains Dr. Ohr. "Have a sense of when to check on them, but keep your distance."

Of course, letting your preteen be in charge takes responsibility on their part and trust on yours. It all comes down to knowing your child. That's the most important aspect of party planning no matter what their age.

Debbe Geiger is a freelance writer who has been planning parties in and out of her home for her three children for the past 15 years.


Calming Party Jitters

You've planned for months, invited all your child's friends and lined up his favorite characters. Then, in the midst of his big day, your little one has a full-blown meltdown. How could this happen at such a special event?

According to clinical psychologist Laura Braider, Ph.D., the best way to avoid disaster is to prepare your child ahead of time. "Be careful not to build up the event too much. Knowing that it's a big day can induce anxiety and stress. Talk about other birthday parties they've attended or play dates with other children." Such preparation can also help your child with the role of being the guest of honor. "The featured guest is often on display and there is a lot of pressure," says author Penny Warner.

To limit meltdown, Warner suggests that you let your child help you with the pre-party preparations the day of the event so that it's a larger experience for them, not just a few hours of party time.

Also, try to make sure they eat well before and nap. If your child shows signs of falling apart during the party, redirect her attention by having her help you with an activity like serving the cake.

Because there's such built-up anticipation to the big day, you can use the same tactics to minimize the disappointment often associated with the party's end. Tell your child ahead of time that at some point the guests will have to go home and the party will be over. Divert him from the letdown associated with saying goodbye by keeping him busy handing out goody bags and helping you with the clean up.


The Perfect Present

If you're wondering what to get the birthday child, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests the following ideas:

Newborn to One Year Old: Brightly-colored, lightweight toys will appeal to a baby's senses, including sight, hearing and touch. Try:
• cloth, plastic or board books with large pictures • large blocks of wood or plastic • pots and pans • rattles • soft, washable animals, dolls or balls • bright, movable objects that are out of baby's reach • busy boards • floating bath toys • squeeze toys.

Toddlers:
Toys for this age group should be sturdy enough to withstand a toddler's curious nature.
• cloth, plastic or board books with large pictures • sturdy dolls • kiddy cars • musical tops • nesting blocks • push and pull toys (avoid long strings) • stacking toys • toy telephones (without cords)

Pre-schoolers:
This age group enjoys toys that are creative or imitate the activities of parents and older children.
• books (short stories or action stories) • blackboard and chalk • building blocks • crayons, nontoxic finger paints, clay • hammer and bench • housekeeping toys • outdoor toys: sandbox (with a lid), slide, swing, playhouse • transportation toys (tricycles, cars, wagons) • tape or DVD player • simple puzzles with large pieces • dress-up clothes • tea party utensils.

School Age:
Help children develop new skills and creativity with these ideas:
• blunt scissors, sewing sets • card games • doctor and nurse kits • hand puppets • balls • bicycles with helmets • crafts • electric trains • paper dolls • jump ropes • roller skates with protective gear • sports equipment • table games

Preteens:
Hobbies and scientific activities are ideal for this age group, such as:
• computer games • sewing, knitting, needlework • microscopes/telescopes • table and board games • sports equipment • hobby collections